Things I have learned from my parents, part 2

• Posted on KK
• in 100 things, family, growing up, lists
• on November 3, 2012
• 3 Comments.

I know the idea isn’t to focus on me for my birthday, but I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who called/texted/facebooked/sent a card/came to dinner for my birthday. I took the day off of work and basically felt loved the entire day, which is really something you should do for a whole day if you can swing it.

And now, we continue with the things I learned from my parents.

11. Vitamins are important. 

Growing up, I took a vitamin everyday – these came in the form of a Flintstone (my favorite was Dino).  I also was strongly encouraged to drink orange juice every morning before school (this was a dad thing – even if I was full from breakfast, I had to drink my glass of orange juice!) for my daily dose of Vitamin C.  As an adult, I don’t really have an appreciation for orange juice but let me just tell you that Dan and I both take our vitamins everyday. They’re no longer Flintstones though.

12. You stay home from school, you stay home from the after-school fun stuff too.

My parents had this policy that if I was ‘sick’ and couldn’t go to school, then I couldn’t do anything after school either. Being sick was a full day commitment. This is one of those policies that I think back on and have to applaud. Of COURSE I was faking it to not go to school – but then using my own excuse against me to also cut off my social life? Well played, parents, well played. While having to stay home from school obviously doesn’t apply anymore, I do hear my mom’s voice in my head saying this when I want to stay home from work because I don’t feel well. {Am I really sick, or do I just need a pick-me-up cup of tea? Am I really going to lay on the couch all day, or am I going to want to shopping after a few more hours of sleep?} Thanks for keeping me responsible, even from 3000 miles away.

13. Mental health days are important.

On the other side of the coin though, I learned that keeping yourself together is easier if you have the space to do that. When I was younger, once or twice a year, my mom would call in sick to work and I’d stay home from school, and we’d play hooky together and do something fun all day. I remember thinking that this was probably the most amazing idea my mom has ever had, and I definitely felt way cooler than other kids (does your mom play hooky with you? yeah, that’s what I thought. sucker!)  Fast forward to now, and there are days/weeks/months that my job is A LOT. Dealing with this many students x all their individual issues, and it can get overwhelming  very quickly. I have to know if I have nothing left to give, because that doesn’t help anybody (and usually I’m also kind of cranky), and then I take a mental health day. Or two.

14. We like A’s!

This was a favorite saying of my mom when I was still in school, especially if she or my dad had stayed up late or woken up early to help me with a project. I know that this could potentially sound heavy-handed or loaded with pressure, but I don’t think it ever did. Luckily, I generally liked school and liked learning, so I knew that trying hard and bringing home good grades was the expectation. I have to say though, to my parents’ benefit, that when some subjects got a bit more challenging (calculus, I’m looking at you) that if I brought home a C, but they knew I had tried my best, they were just as proud.

15. Friends are your chosen family.

Thinking about this one makes me laugh a bit, because when I was in high school and a royal pain in the ass, I always wanted to be with my friends. Sometimes my parents would ask what I was missing, and I would complain that it wasn’t a specific event, but I was missing out on just being there, GOSH. They shouldn’t have wondered why I cared so much, because I grew up around my family, but also my parents’ chosen family. My mom’s best friend Vicki was my confirmation sponsor. We took annual trips with my dad’s friend Rick and his whole family. But I don’t think they realize how much this demonstrated to me how important it was to nurture these relationships. And now, as an ‘adult’ my parents have both mentioned to me that they think my group of friends is amazing, especially considering how we’ve been able to remain so close while scattered to the winds throughout the years (woot CC!).  Yes, my friends are amazing, but thanks for teaching me to value them. (Sidenote – my parents did NOT teach me to not return a phone call, that’s all me.)

16. You don’t leave church until the end.

Growing up, I went to church with my parents most every Saturday evening. At St. Marks, and many other churches I’ve visited, communion comes near the end of mass, but usually there are also announcements by the priest before the final blessing and song. I think this one might have been passed down from my grandmother, but it was VERY clear in my family that you don’t just walk out after communion and skip the announcements! (Look at you, taking your purse with you to communion so you can walk right out. Rude.) I think this has really translated to being respectful of whatever event/class/meeting I’m in. I’m always shocked how many people don’t make an effort to not even look like their paying attention, playing games on their iPhone, up and walking out in the middle of something. Thanks for teaching me better!

17. It’s OK to not have the newest thing right away.

My parents are not early adopters of technology. I remember when we got a DVD player, and it was not soon after the technology became available. Until I was in middle school, we didn’t have a computer at home. I got email by signing up for Hotmail at a friend’s house, and that was in high school. And besides having to write my papers a day early so my mom could print them out at work for me, it wasn’t really ever a problem. Unconsciously, I have taken on this perspective. Took a good long time to get a smart phone. Don’t have a tablet, because I can’t quite figure out what they’re for. Prefer to read an actual paper book. And it’s not about thinking badly of folks who do like gadgets, it’s more about not feeling like I don’t need those things. Plus, this way I get to spend my money on more wine.

18. How to handle myself in an emergency.

You know how some of your worst memories are also the clearest? There are a few moments in my life that were relatively scary and I can distinctly remember my dad in each of them. If  you are having a crisis, my dad is the guy you want there to keep everyone’s heads on straight. My cousin spilled hot liquid on himself? Loose clothes and a cool cloth, everyone in the car to the emergency clinic! My grandfather is in the hospital in Johnstown and the records we need are in Pittsburgh? He’s in the car, stat. As a bonus to all of the emotional work, my job also has a fair number of emergencies and crises. I know that in watching him, I learned how to cut through the emotional craziness, and focus on what has to be done right now.

19. Death does funny things to people.

I remember my mom telling me this at a funeral when I was wondering aloud about people’s actions that seemed out of character. While this statement sounds  harsh, it’s true. And I remember it every time I attend a funeral, or hear about a death in someone’s family. It also helps me give myself more time and space to heal when I lose someone.  But truly, at the heart of it, I think that this statement is really about empathy. Regardless of what we know is happening for someone, like an iceberg, many more things are occurring under the surface that we aren’t privy to. And not to sound like a broken record about my job today, but this is the heart of my day to day work. Maybe a student comes to my office for a roommate conflict, but then it comes out that dad lost his job and they need more financial aid and classes are hard and GAH. This helps me to 1) remember that my students are just people, young people at that, dealing with a lot of things I don’t know about and then 2) take a deep breath and serve them as best I can.

20. Be prepared!

When I wanted a cat, my parents told me that I needed to learn about cats. They marched me to a bookstore (see lesson #5) where I had to pick out books about cats and read up on the subject, then prove that I knew enough about cats to care for one. This may have felt ridiculous, except that my parents used to prepare for things in the same way. Before his mountain climbing trips in Colorado, one of my dad’s comrades would send a test about the mountains they were preparing to climb to make sure that everyone was as prepared as possible. Today, if I don’t know something, my first inclination is to read up on the subject. No kidding, when Dan and I first started talking about marriage (a few years ago) I went to the library and checked out several books on the history of marriage, wives, the meaning of weddings, etc. Seriously. This also lends itself to my incredibly thorough trip planning efforts, making sure I know where I’m going when I get in the car, and having a stocked earthquake emergency kit.

That’s it for today. #21-30 forthcoming.